Just a reminder, spoilers galore!!
Oh, DNR, you interesting mix of rage and feels. I spent half the episode sobbing, and the other half screaming at characters wondering what the actual fuck was their malfunction. I am beginning to think that the radiation is causing brain damage. ?
Do Not Resuscitate
Who wants to not be resuscitated? That would be… everyone, basically. Of course, we knew that this was coming, especially from Jasper’s end. But as the gang at Arkadia is leaving to head to the bunker (and taking their Jobi Tea maker Niylah with them), Death Party 2150 is still… well look, it isn’t raging on, it’s actually a pretty lame party. Let’s look at the guest list, shall we?
First up is the party host, Jasper. He may be the only moderately fun person in attendance. Then there’s Harper, who looks like someone just ran over her grandmother with the Rover and then Trikru speared her puppy. Seriously, Idk who cried more this episode, me or her. There’s Riley, who to me signifies the end of any party. Like, he’s that guy who shows up and then everyone else goes “oh shit, this party is lame, let’s head out”. And Bree, who clearly has the personality of tree bark, and just sits around with a creepy ass smile. And don’t forget the random redshirts who we have never seen before- and make no mistake, we never will see again, because they will die for story fodder.
No really Jasper, bitchin’ party you have going on here. ?
There’s some drama, because of course there is. Monty gets pissed at Harper, obviously. Then Jaha is like “nah, let’s blow the door and make these kids come”. Only Bellamy has some sense left in him (and I swear he is the only damn person who does) and explains to Jaha that since Jaha already tried to choose these kids’ fates once before, he doesn’t get to do it again. And Jaha shockingly concurs, much to Monty’s chagrin. But wait! We have another visitor at Death Party, only I don’t know what this one means:
No folks, your eyes do not decieve you, that is in fact the late Wells Jaha. I didn’t even notice it until Amber pointed it out and I rewatched it and YEP, there he is. But… WHY? What does this MEAN? It’s certainly no coincidence.
Anyyyywho, the group leaves, but we’ll get to their goodbyes later. Because I have a section for goodbyes, aka, The Parts in Which Shannon Cried All the Tears.
New Ship Alert!
Miller + Jackson= Milkson. And I LOVE IT. ???
Now, sure, we can ask some questions here. Like “hey wait, what happened to Bryan?” or “couldn’t they have developed this more while they were in ALIE’s lab together instead of underutilizing both actors?” Sure! Let’s! Well to answer your first question, who even cares? Let’s pretend he got… attacked. By Ilian’s sheep, since Octavia is shit at sheep farming. So sad. To answer the second question… I CAN’T. Because WHYYYY writers!? I need more of them in my life. Please and thank you, let’s make this happen? Super. #TeamMilkson
Warrior Sheep Farmer
I…. want to just press a bunch of keys on my keyboard in frustration and walk away, but I am pretty sure you didn’t come here for that. But I am not making GIFs of O and Ilian shackin’ up. I won’t do it and you can’t make me. I will, however, show you what an awesome farmer she is.
I mean… she has a point.
Oy. I just… this whole situation pisses me off. She has not mourned Lincoln at all. At all. And mere weeks after his death, she is killing people, and on the rare chance she decides not to off someone, I guess that means she… goes to romance them on a farm? It just doesn’t make any sense. Luckily, some Trishanakru morons come to attack her, and she defends herself, and by defending herself, I mean she kills them all with her farm tools.
In her defense, they did say they were going to kill her so…
Oh, these idiots. These idiots. I don’t understand how the hell they managed to survive the past 98 years, because holy fuck do they all lack some common sense. All they want to do is fight over shit. They’re like little kids who all want to play with the same toy, even though there are enough toys for everyone.
Clarke and company roll into Polis, and right before Clarke departs the Rover, Abby tells her that they’re going to capture Roan. And kill Azgeda. Um…. what now!? WHY? And more importantly… how? Indra, last I checked, there were about 13 scraggly ass Trikru people left. And one of them was that dead old man on the side of the road. You literally stand no chance against Azgeda. And Kane… I think he is whipped by Indra at this point? Because why does he agree to any of this?
Some boring shit happens, and Roan agrees to talk to Indra because he has some semblance of rationality, but then Indra just pisses him off and yells at him so he’s like “welp, war it is then”. So Clarke is panicked, because the only thing they could all agree on is that they wouldn’t fight if Lexa was there. Which makes no sense because just… don’t fight without her there? But Clarke decides that she might as well just become the damn Heda since no one else has anything to offer.
She cuts herself a bunch of times, and Gaia is willing to do the ascension, but then Roan is like “NO stop, it was because of SCIENCE.” Which… I don’t know why that matters? So he brings in Abby, who rats Clarke out because literally everyone is dumb as fuck in this episode. So there is no Heda. But then these asshats come up with a bright idea of having…. the actual Hunger Games. Here’s how it went down in my head:
Dumbass Grounder #1: Hey y’all! Remember that book we found when we were cleaning out Lexa’s shit? The one about that plant girl and the bow and arrows and shit? She won a nice house by killing those kids!
Clarke: That really isn’t what happened exactly…..
Dumbass Grounder #2: Oh yeah! She did get to keep that nice house. Like how we all want this bunker!
Kane: Well, you can’t kill little kids, because we never see any on this show.
Dumbass Grounder #1: No, but we can totes kill each other!
Kane: Well that’s true, you do enjoy that pastime…
Clarke: What the actual fuck is wrong with you people!? The bunker has room for every human in Polis!
Dumbass Grounder #2: Yeah, but I don’t want to live with you. Or Dumbass #3, he and I have never liked each other that much. Hey, we need an arena! Should we do the cool one with the water and the jungle!?
Dumbass Grounder #3: Aw, thanks, I hate you too! Yeah, jungle arena!
Kane: Well wait. We are in the forest, I am not really sure how you’d replicate a jungle. I’ll get Monty on the radio.
Monty: But sir, you could just use the forest arena from the first book?
Kane: Right, right, good work son, you’ve saved us!
Clarke: I am going to steal the key to the bunker while you assholes are making these moronic plans. You kind of don’t deserve to live anymore.
Dumbass Grounder #1: It starts at midnight! May the odds be ever in your favor!
The only people left, for now, at Becca’s lab are Raven, Murphy, and Emori. Emori is convinced that they’re going to just leave them behind, since Emori lied to them and Raven is basically an aneurysm waiting to happen. Murphy keeps reassuring her, but I kind of get her paranoia. Raven and Murphy have some fun banter in the beginning while they get supplies together, and I was digging it.
But then Raven… she starts hearing stuff. So she goes to see what it is. Or rather, who, I suppose. And it is visions of Becca Pramheda, telling Raven that she might as well basically commit suicide by spacewalking. Becca tells her that her brain is basically on the verge of shutting down, and that she’ll be a burden to her people and she won’t even be able to tie her shoes, let alone do mechanical and technical stuff. So she has a seizure, and then decides that Becca’s plan is super awesome, and gets to work. When Milkson come back to get the three of them, she tells Murphy she won’t be joining them. And holy crap. I sobbed. I don’t know what is going to come of this, but it killed me. Killed. Me. See next section, please.
It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye
Sing along now to It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday by Boyz II Men. Ahem. I needed something to get my mind off the feels, okay?
So as Milkson and Emori start to load up the Rover, Murphy goes to get Raven. And it is every heartbreaking thing ever. It is the conversation I always wanted them to have, and then the conversation I never wanted them to have.
MY FEELS. I am not okay, and I will never be okay if this ends up being the actual last time they see each other.
Back at Arkadia, everyone is saying their goodbyes to Team Death Party, and Bellamy is the last to leave. He is broken up, you can tell, but he is also resigned to let them choose their own paths. He says goodbye to Harper, and she tells him to take care of Monty, who apparently didn’t stop to say goodbye. And then Bellamy turns to Jasper, which was so… bittersweet.
STAHP, you people are killing my emotions over here!
Then, we find out that Monty did not leave without saying goodbye, because hello, Monty would never. He stayed not because he changed his mind, but just in case the others changed theirs. Which of course is code for “I am going to try like hell to get Jasper and Harper into that bunker if it is the last goddamn thing I do”. He tells Harper he loves her, which is sweet, and I just hope that these three make it out alive. Which, to be honest, I don’t have a ton of hope for.
Die All, Die Merrily
Damn, best episode title ever alert! But can we please talk about what the hell happened to Luna? Remember, the woman who talked about peace and never, ever killing again? Yeah… um… what now?! It also looks like this whole episode takes place in Polis- but I need to know what is happening to Raven, and what’s shakin’ over at Death Party 2150! Also. How are there only four episodes left and the only death we’ve had is Nyko? Also, I am still sad about Nyko.
Oh! And THEORIES! I have those! A few, anyway. So, I don’t think Raven is going to spacewalk herself to death. I think Abby is going to go back to save her. And maybe die trying? Idk. And I think Indra may die in this arena situation. I mean, they have Gaia poised to take over, Indra has clearly lost her damn mind… I don’t know, it just seems like it could happen. I hope not. But no one asks me. I also feel like this Monty/Harper/Jasper thing could somehow end up with Harper’s death (nooooo ?) and Monty blaming Jasper. Like, a reverse Maya, if you will. But again, no one consults with me. Also, half the time (more than half the time) I am wrong, so let’s just hope this is one of those times!