Sometimes, bloggers have slumps. Welcome to mine! I was going to post things. But I either thought they were dumb and uninspired, or actually decent, but my heart wasn’t in it and they were too important to half-ass. I have more reviews to do, but I don’t feel like it right now. Imagine me stomping my feet like a petulant child, and you’ll have a nice visual.
Anyway. I feel like if I am going to be in a slump, I might as well do it right. So, I give you my steps to achieving your best slump!
Step 1: Procrastinate Your Way into Slumphood
This one is so easy, guys. I know you can do it! If you are having problems fully procrastinating, here are some tips for great ways to waste time. Enlist the help of your friends- they will always know great new ways to slack off.
- Find a Hamilton-loving sort. (I personally recommend Amber, but you can use your own specialist.) Get that friend to Hamilspam you until you just give in and listen to the damn thing to shut him or her up. Realize after about two songs that it is the coolest thing ever. Spend the remainder of the week listening while reading lyrics, Wikipedia-ing every person involved, and signing up for mailing lists for when (if, let’s be real) tickets ever are available again.
- Pick a friend who is having an event. For this exercise, I picked Holly’s March Madness event, but that’s up to you. She had a lot of interviews and guest posts from authors. I spent an inordinate time googling Janet B. Taylor’s fascinating women of history, and leaving 30 comments trying to convince Kathryn Purdie that a trip to Russia could be deducted from her taxes as a business expense.
- Have a friend share her mom’s latest internet obsession. Bonus points if it’s in a language you can’t understand, but you can’t stop looking anyway. Val’s mom and I are both now hooked on this Chinese dating show. Though I think for different reasons, because only one of us is trying to marry Val off to a nice Chinese fellow…
- Shop for things you don’t need! My laptop skin in the picture above is from Cait’s Society6 shop. You probably need one too. And don’t forget about that throw pillow that you wanted from Evie’s shop. And you should probably shop for BEA even on sites you can’t afford for things you’d never wear again. And be sure that you pre-order all the books that won’t be out until 2017.
- Twitter. That needs no further explanation, right?
Step 2: Take this time to remember all the tiny nuances that you’d like to improve about your site.
Remember that one font you were kind of iffy about in your footer that one day? Well, no time like the present! Mix it up! Try several (hundred) of them, before you find one that’s just right
and looks exactly like the first one. Are you having a glitch with a plugin? Strip your site down to the bare bones, start fresh! Seriously, you cannot possibly be expected to post under these conditions.
Step 3: Give yourself a few ulcers playing Bookish Games until the rest of your life crumbles around you.
For reference, Bookish Games are hosted by Oh, the Books!, and they kind of consume your soul. I can’t talk about them- except you can totally go watch me unravel before your eyes, because the public stuff is, well, public. Please, let my suffering amuse you- one of us might as well laugh. Val had said that the game was stressful- and Val isn’t a particularly stressed person by nature. Which means that I should really have understood the ramifications for someone panicky and dysfunctional like myself. But it destroys you because it’s fun. Which is the real conundrum at hand.
Step 4: Lose control over your blog entirely. Let your comments eat you and your posts sit as drafts.
Look, what you’re going for here is a bit of a trifecta:
- You’ll need many, many review books that have not been reviewed. Don’t worry, there’s help with that! Often, seemingly ALL the books publish on the same day, so you’ll need to figure out how to shove eight reviews into one week. It’s like a puzzle!
- Don’t even bother coming up with anything other than a review, either. A Top Ten Tuesday is taxing, so you might as well just forget about discussions. Find a tag, find a meme, find some old books to giveaway to fill airspace. I have no idea. If you figure something out, you let me know- for you’ll be the Slump Master!
- Have so many tabs open that your computer curses you out loud. This is a sign that A) You are way behind in reading your friends’ blogs, and B) You have clearly lost your mind because you think your computer is taunting you. This also applies to comments on your own post- good luck with those.
Step 5: Give it a really good try, until your body waves the white flag
You can’t really call it a slump unless you can declare the situation hopeless. So stay up all night making little-to-no progress. (See Step One for more help in that arena.) Hell, stay up for a few nights. Make it so that when you try to do the productive things, you keep typing the same word incorrectly over and over. Or try to do something… that you no longer remember. Let your eyes close and lose focus for ten minutes, only to return to something you don’t even remember starting.
This is the point where you yell back at your computer. It comes in handy to have a laptop, or at the very least a tablet or a phone, so you have something to slam down. In my case, my laptop lid suffices. If you’re working with something a bit more cumbersome… we can make it work.
Step 6: Write a tongue-in-cheek post about it.
Actually, maybe don’t, since I just did that? Fine, fine, go ahead, if you need to. I understand. Because really, what else is in your head other than the fact that nothing is in your head!? Just go on, make the most out of your slump!Look at you, already learning things from Step One!