Living in a Bubble: A Guest Post by Jessica Gollub

Please welcome Jessica Gollub, author of The Hummingbird series, to #ShatteringStigmas! Sadly, Jessica has dealt with the pain of losing loved ones, and is sharing today a bit of her experience, and coming back from the darkest places. 

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I didn’t know I was living in a bubble until I lost it.

I thought losing someone I loved was going to be difficult, that I would miss him and wish that he was still here with me. Of course I do. Every day. What I wasn’t prepared for was the profound impact it would have on me.

Death changes you.

In my bubble I thought bad things happened to other people; that I could get through anything with pithy memes and inspirational quotes. I thought I had actual life-changing problems. I stressed about relationships, or work, or whatever stupid thing was happening in the news.

I’m different now, and I think it’s been the hardest thing to reconcile. I grieve because I lost, but also because I miss the person that I used to be. I miss feeling like there was always a silver lining somewhere if you just looked for it. I miss feeling light-hearted.

Now there are times that, more than anything, I want to go back. I want to curl up in the bubble and not understand the pain others are feeling. I want to feel secure in my petty problems with my books and memes, and not think about it. Instead, I think about it a lot. There is no escape once you aren’t floating anymore. I just want to rest for a minute.

I read once that losing someone is the terrible side-effect to loving someone. There are days when I look around and I wonder: which one of these people that I love will be next? Who will I have to say goodbye to? It’s a terribly morbid thought, but I can’t help it. I’ve said goodbye to so many—far too early. I don’t know if I can do it again.

I don’t want to grieve.

But…

As much as I don’t want to admit it, my pain has taught me things. Because of it, my eyes and heart are wide open.

I can understand.

I can see others struggling alone in the dark. Because I have made my way out of it, I can take them by the hand and whisper that no matter how scary and painful it is, I will be there. I can go back in to pull them out. I can be that person who understands the crazy thoughts that appear in the dark. The person who doesn’t run from their pain, or whisper to others that they really should be over it by now. I cannot carry their pain for them, but I can carry them. We can find our way out of the dark together.

I’m different now, and I think I understand why.

Jessica’s Books:

(Pictures= Goodreads)

Buy the books: Amazon | Book Depository | Books-A-Million | Barnes and Noble

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Thanks so, so much to Jessica for sharing this post with us. Losing someone you love is about the worst pain out there, and can be incredibly isolating. So if you’re struggling with a loss, please don’t be afraid to reach out. Jessica is my Twitter buddy, and if you need someone to talk to, I know she’ll be yours too 🙂

Do you have any helpful words for someone who may be dealing with a loss? Want to share your story?